Forgiving For What?

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Ohhh, Forgiving. Isn’t it wonderful to forgive and forget. HAH! NO!

As a christian I pray to the Lord that he help me forgive the people that hurt me and I have, but it wasn’t easy. That’s the way I forgive and I truly believe in my heart the Lord helps me do it. A year ago I had so much anger built inside and I just wanted it gone, that feeling is horrible. Like why let this person hurt me AND take so much of my happiness away while they’re enjoying their life not caring how you feel. I didn’t know what to do to take it away other then lash out, but then my husband comes into my life and tells me to just pray about it and well here I am today, happier then ever with no anger built inside 🙂 HAPPY ENDING! but not everyone turns to God for their problems, so lets get into some other good stuff now.

Do you ever ask yourself, “why do I have to be the bigger person? ” I do. CONSTANTLY. There are times where I want to tell someone off but can’t because that’s not who I am. Like for what? Why do they have the right to get under my skin and make me look bad when I stand up for myself but they don’t look as bad because “that’s just how they are.” NO HONEY! I don’t give a rats ass if you are out spoken or you don’t “think” before you speak. I DON’T CARE if that’s what your known for. If you can’t talk like an adult and get yourself under control, don’t talk to me at all.

Honestly, So many things are running through my head that I want to say but I just can’t put them into words. Like the fact the forgiving isn’t easy, it is the hardest thing to ever do.

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WHO WANTS TO FORGIVE SOMEONE THAT HAS HURT THEM?! Like why do they deserve my forgiveness! BUT then here comes that little voice “be the bigger person.” the way I see it is like If I don’t forgive then what is it going to do to me, how am I gonna be if I keep holding on to this anger or situation. I’m letting this person make me angry and make me so unhappy just because I can’t forgive them? like what is that!? or you may just feel hurt.  I know it’s hard to understand but trust me forgiving someone that has hurt you will be the best thing for you. At the end of the day your doing it for yourself, to move on.  When you forgive someone you don’t think about them often because the situation is solved. Like what is there to think about now?

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As usual I just have to tell you a story of my road to forgiveness.. JUST KEEP READING!

I’m not going to tell you who this person is to me, but if you know me and my story already then you will most likely know who i’m talking about.

A year and a half ago, I was a wreck. I never showed it because I felt like I had to be strong for myself. There were times were I was a huge b**tch cause of this anger I had inside of me, like I just had so many emotions running through my mind and so much anger that I felt like one little thing can trigger me.

During this time me and my husband started being friends again (which means that he wanted me back but i was playing hard to get and only wanted to be friends but obviously I gave in, we’re married now LOL!)

Anyways, I told him what was going on and where I was since we hadn’t talked for like 6 months and he started telling me that I need to forgive and let it go, holding in my anger wasn’t doing me any good, all it did was make me cry and lash out when it was unnecessary and blah blah blah. My response,

“It’s not easy to just forgive someone that has been in your life for 14 years and drop you like your trash and worthless just cause he couldn’t handle a situation correctly. Like who does that? Who comes and calls you all these names and break all these promises he made to me that he will never leave again and end up doing just that! WHY DO I NEED TO FORGIVE HIM? I rather be angry.”

I know I was a bit harsh on that. I was just so angry and so tired of being hurt. I felt like if I acted like I hated him than it would hurt him more than he has hurt me but nope. I then realized he’s enjoying his life doing whatever he wants without even thinking of me. So then my husband told me to go to church with him and so I did and I loved it. I started to go more often and our pastor lets us go to the front either in the beginning or end to pray or cry out to the lord and something just made me have the balls to go up there and I did for the first time and I cried my eyes out to the Lord, I told him to please give me peace and to please forgive me for my sins and please help me with forgiving the people who have hurt me. Well it took awhile to fully forgive and the moment I noticed I wasn’t angry anymore was when I could talk about it and not care. I can talk about him without getting angry or crying and when I think of him I don’t get angry, I just feel like he doesn’t exist in a way, like he can’t hurt me anymore, he can’t make me feel worthless anymore or like I’m being controlled.. I guess I just felt FREE! I felt it in my heart that I have forgiven him, and let me tell ya, it’s a pretty good feeling 🙂

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My point to that story is anyone can hurt you but they’re not going to stop their life to be sad about it. Your the one who’s going to stop your life and be angry about it and cry over it while they’re being happy and not even thinking about you. Your the one wasting your time and happiness, not them. I thank my husband for leading me to the lord. You may not want to take that route but there are many different routes you can take to forgive, you are setting yourself free when you forgive. If you need to let the person that hurt you know how your feeling in order to forgive then just text them or leave a voice mail and don’t expect an answer back JUST DO IT. I did that and I didn’t expect an answer but now I know and as long as he heard my part and I know he knows how I feel then that’s all that mattered to me, I moved on.

As usual this may not be in the order it should be and I’m sorry if it can confuse you but this is my voice, things that I can’t say in person, my view on it, my thoughts. I am typing non stop throughout this whole blog, i am just typing and typing like there’s no tomorrow. This blog is way to long and I probably bored you but hey you were so interested in it that you made it this far so I’m doing something right!:) Well, talk to ya’ll tomorrow !

-xoxoxo, thanks for reading!


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