The Truth About Our Struggle To Be Happy

Writing my blog a little early since I work late tonight..Featured image

So a few people have asked me how I managed to get my family okay with getting married, or how they felt and I’ve had a few come to me and ask me if it’s worth it..

Well lets be honest, My marriage is far from perfect but it’s healthy and we work on it everyday.. Marriage isn’t just going to last by itself, we both have to put effort into making it last. EVERY MARRIAGE IS LIKE THAT.

I wouldn’t change it for the world.. I don’t regret it.. we can have huge arguments and disagreements but man do I love my man.. but even though we can have huge arguments, it doesn’t mean he loves me less and that something I had trouble with.. and that had to do with the fact that people always gave up on me, so i would always feel like when we would argue my husband loved me less.. it’s crazy right?

Marriage is beautiful but it can also be hard work.. We go through phases where there’s constant bickering but most of the time we can’t keep our hands off each other and we just can’t be apart.. lol.. I love being married and it wasworth the trouble. God is so good guys, let me tell you that.. SOOOO GOOD.Featured image

We got engaged on Valentines Day and we were only OFFICIALLY together for four months.. crazy huh?!.. but we’ve known each other longer, we use to be a “thing” right when I moved from his hometown.. but then long distance wasn’t working for us and he was still in school and some things were said and done that made us not want anything to do with each other.

So we went seperate ways for about six months I think? and when I moved to fresno I was seeing another guy but that guy didn’t make me feel the way I did when Josh would call me or when he would see me, i got butterflies in my tummy. I guess during that time I just wanted someone to lean on and wanted someone to keep me occupied and have fun with.

BUT then here comes Joshua six months later trying to talk to me through INSTAGRAM.. LMFAO! he asked for my number and I didn’t want to give it to him just because I was angry but he convinced me, i mean lets get real I still loved him.. so we talked for hours on the phone and I just realized how much I really love this guy, how he makes me happy even though I am still angry, how he makes me feel, and how he was just there as my friend and I truly felt like we never stopped being friends and all my worries went away for just a second.. so after that night I knew who I wanted..

 Featured image

It was so wrong, but it felt so right. I’m over here dating this other guy and all i can think about is JOSH.. All I wanted to do was be with Josh.. So finally, I told the guy I was dating that I could date him anymore and I was sorry.. I still didn’t tell Josh what I did because I just wanted to be friends with him fist, although, he did tell me he wanted to have another chance but I was playing hard to get. I knew what I wanted.. lol…

SO weeks went by or I think it was when he took me to a college football game that I was going to tell him the truth.. and I did.. but like a day or two later.. and now here we are.. MARRIED! 😀 lol

Soo that was our story since many ask.. and then we got engaged and that’s when some of my family members flipped..

One brother was talking bad about Josh to other family that has never even met him and another one was threatning to come to his hometown to kick his ass and calling him all these mean and disrespectful names, he even tried to make me choose between him and Josh, and right there I realized that I was so DONE trying to make my family agree with my decisions, to get them to not hate me anymore, to try and do the right thing so they can start talking to me again. I WAS SO OVER trying to prove to them I have changed.. they rather me not be with the guy that makes me so happy and the one who is so gentle and sweet, someone that believes in god and someone that knows how to treat a women and just be alone and depressed..

I realized no matter what I do in my life they will never be happy with me, i graduated school early and didn’t hear anything from anyone, no congrats, nothing.. other then my brother and cousins I lived with at that time.. I started college lived in a apartment with my cousin, did good with school and my grades were fine and still.. nothing, they still had this view of me that I wasn’t anymore.. but whatevs.. i’m happy with myself and who I am now. (:

They think that they can give me what he can but they cant.. However, there was one brother that was supportive and he just wanted for me to be happy and go on with my life.. how simple is that, He just wanted me to be happy.. pretty simple..

I’m not happy with the things that the other two have done but did I hate them for it? no! cause they are my brothers, i love them.. even though they hate me, i love them and that’s the end of it.. it’s so simple.

Well then me and Josh moved in with each other and honeslty I wish I got married before we did that, i was uncomfortable and I felt unwanted and even though me and his parents would talk about it, and they said that they loved me and they are glad i’m part of their family.. i still felt uncomfortable.. I would cry to my husband because I was stressed and idk, it was a lot to go through..

His parents always told us we needed to get married if we are going to live with each other and I did feel pressured LIKE A LOT but I knew they were right, I felt pressured because of what my brother would say and I felt like he would stop talking to me too and I couldn’t handle that.. so we set a date in May but I knew in my heart I wasn’t ready, i was NOT.. i tried everything to not get married in May lol.. Cold feet..

so weeks went by and I stopped hearing that we need to get married and I stopped feeling pressure.. and idk I was like wooo, now I can finally think and see if I want to get married when i turn 18 cause I told my husband we would if it felt right.. and i felt ok? i was still unsure.. we started setting dates and telling friends when we would but it never happened I guess I still didn’t feel ready..

BUT then something happened, idk but I was like man I can’t wait to marry this man.. I Love him.. i adore this guy.. I want to be committed to him forever.. You know what, lets get married on my birthday.. WHY NOT!  it was the biggest YOLO of my life ahahah. jk.. I did put a lot of though into it and I was so serious that I told my brother and we told everyone we got the day off and it was done it was set.. I didn’t feel scared anymore, I didnt feel like something was missing..

I did hate that my brother didn’t go but I understood why and it was okay with me because I love him and he didn’t turn his back on me.. He still loves me and him and his family is what keeps my world together… without them.. nothing would make sense in my life the way it does now.. the only thing me and my husband need in our life and marriage is God, positivity, love, peace, and happiness.. and thats what my brothers family and Joshs family gives us..

I am so blessed.. we went through a lot of rough patches with my family and I only hope they see how wrong they were.. but I forgive every single one of them and I hope in the future my kids will be able to have more then one uncle on my side of the family and more then one grandpa all together..

so that’s our story and what we had to go through.. I left some peaces out.. but that’s pretty much all the big things.. I couldn’t have gone through this the way i did, if it wasn’t for my brother and my husbands family.. and most of all my LORD!

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