Forgiving For What?

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Ohhh, Forgiving. Isn’t it wonderful to forgive and forget. HAH! NO!

As a christian I pray to the Lord that he help me forgive the people that hurt me and I have, but it wasn’t easy. That’s the way I forgive and I truly believe in my heart the Lord helps me do it. A year ago I had so much anger built inside and I just wanted it gone, that feeling is horrible. Like why let this person hurt me AND take so much of my happiness away while they’re enjoying their life not caring how you feel. I didn’t know what to do to take it away other then lash out, but then my husband comes into my life and tells me to just pray about it and well here I am today, happier then ever with no anger built inside 🙂 HAPPY ENDING! but not everyone turns to God for their problems, so lets get into some other good stuff now.

Do you ever ask yourself, “why do I have to be the bigger person? ” I do. CONSTANTLY. There are times where I want to tell someone off but can’t because that’s not who I am. Like for what? Why do they have the right to get under my skin and make me look bad when I stand up for myself but they don’t look as bad because “that’s just how they are.” NO HONEY! I don’t give a rats ass if you are out spoken or you don’t “think” before you speak. I DON’T CARE if that’s what your known for. If you can’t talk like an adult and get yourself under control, don’t talk to me at all.

Honestly, So many things are running through my head that I want to say but I just can’t put them into words. Like the fact the forgiving isn’t easy, it is the hardest thing to ever do.

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WHO WANTS TO FORGIVE SOMEONE THAT HAS HURT THEM?! Like why do they deserve my forgiveness! BUT then here comes that little voice “be the bigger person.” the way I see it is like If I don’t forgive then what is it going to do to me, how am I gonna be if I keep holding on to this anger or situation. I’m letting this person make me angry and make me so unhappy just because I can’t forgive them? like what is that!? or you may just feel hurt.  I know it’s hard to understand but trust me forgiving someone that has hurt you will be the best thing for you. At the end of the day your doing it for yourself, to move on.  When you forgive someone you don’t think about them often because the situation is solved. Like what is there to think about now?

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As usual I just have to tell you a story of my road to forgiveness.. JUST KEEP READING!

I’m not going to tell you who this person is to me, but if you know me and my story already then you will most likely know who i’m talking about.

A year and a half ago, I was a wreck. I never showed it because I felt like I had to be strong for myself. There were times were I was a huge b**tch cause of this anger I had inside of me, like I just had so many emotions running through my mind and so much anger that I felt like one little thing can trigger me.

During this time me and my husband started being friends again (which means that he wanted me back but i was playing hard to get and only wanted to be friends but obviously I gave in, we’re married now LOL!)

Anyways, I told him what was going on and where I was since we hadn’t talked for like 6 months and he started telling me that I need to forgive and let it go, holding in my anger wasn’t doing me any good, all it did was make me cry and lash out when it was unnecessary and blah blah blah. My response,

“It’s not easy to just forgive someone that has been in your life for 14 years and drop you like your trash and worthless just cause he couldn’t handle a situation correctly. Like who does that? Who comes and calls you all these names and break all these promises he made to me that he will never leave again and end up doing just that! WHY DO I NEED TO FORGIVE HIM? I rather be angry.”

I know I was a bit harsh on that. I was just so angry and so tired of being hurt. I felt like if I acted like I hated him than it would hurt him more than he has hurt me but nope. I then realized he’s enjoying his life doing whatever he wants without even thinking of me. So then my husband told me to go to church with him and so I did and I loved it. I started to go more often and our pastor lets us go to the front either in the beginning or end to pray or cry out to the lord and something just made me have the balls to go up there and I did for the first time and I cried my eyes out to the Lord, I told him to please give me peace and to please forgive me for my sins and please help me with forgiving the people who have hurt me. Well it took awhile to fully forgive and the moment I noticed I wasn’t angry anymore was when I could talk about it and not care. I can talk about him without getting angry or crying and when I think of him I don’t get angry, I just feel like he doesn’t exist in a way, like he can’t hurt me anymore, he can’t make me feel worthless anymore or like I’m being controlled.. I guess I just felt FREE! I felt it in my heart that I have forgiven him, and let me tell ya, it’s a pretty good feeling 🙂

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My point to that story is anyone can hurt you but they’re not going to stop their life to be sad about it. Your the one who’s going to stop your life and be angry about it and cry over it while they’re being happy and not even thinking about you. Your the one wasting your time and happiness, not them. I thank my husband for leading me to the lord. You may not want to take that route but there are many different routes you can take to forgive, you are setting yourself free when you forgive. If you need to let the person that hurt you know how your feeling in order to forgive then just text them or leave a voice mail and don’t expect an answer back JUST DO IT. I did that and I didn’t expect an answer but now I know and as long as he heard my part and I know he knows how I feel then that’s all that mattered to me, I moved on.

As usual this may not be in the order it should be and I’m sorry if it can confuse you but this is my voice, things that I can’t say in person, my view on it, my thoughts. I am typing non stop throughout this whole blog, i am just typing and typing like there’s no tomorrow. This blog is way to long and I probably bored you but hey you were so interested in it that you made it this far so I’m doing something right!:) Well, talk to ya’ll tomorrow !

-xoxoxo, thanks for reading!


What Topic?

Is getting married one of your goals in life? Do you ever ask yourself, “Is it really worth getting married?”

Honestly, I love it. Being married is so wonderful, like I’m going to be with this man forever and we’re going to grow old together and watch each other get old and grow into the people we are meant to be, like how awesome it that! I wouldn’t have it any other way. I guess what i’m trying to say is that marriage is a beautiful thing and it shouldn’t be looked down on.

I hear all kinds of things that people say about marriage and it really saddens me. Why look at marriage as a horrible thing? Just because you don’t want to have a life long commitment with someone doesn’t mean that marriage is bad, or the fact that your parents, grandparents, or relatives had a bad one doesn’t mean that your going to have a bad one. My father divorced twice and you don’t see me looking down on marriage, if anything he made me realize what not to do in a marriage. However, marriage isn’t always wonderful.. There will be phases when you both will be tired of each other and just want your own space and that’s completely fine.

Now a days people think that wanting to be alone for a day is so bad. Like no girl, we all need a day for ourselves, especially if you had kids. Same with men, they all need their alone time to go out with their friends or siblings and that is absolutely okay. Marriage shouldn’t feel like you are trapped, it should feel normal and happy. Let me tell you a story, hopefully you wont get bored but if you do well i’m sorry. OK, so my husband went to Man Camp with his church for a weekend and I felt like FINALLY, some alone time, hah.. Well I went to my moms and my aunts just to hang out and have my alone time after so many months of not having one but a few hours passed by and I absolutely missed my husband, I had no idea what to do with myself. I started crying because I wanted him back, and right that second I realized what I was taking for granted. I complained constantly how I can never go out and see MY family, well I had a whole weekend to do that and I loved seeing them but I just wanted to go home to my husband. I missed him so much. LESSON LEARNED!

What i’m trying to say is that no one can really answer that question for you, only you can answer that question. Some people are different and love being by themselves and still have mad love for their partner, but me.. no.. I can’t go a day without him. My alone time is getting my nails or hair done, like that’s all I need. Just an hour or two. Take a hot bath and listen to your favorite Pandora stations! Omg I think I want to do that now! To bad I don’t have soap that makes bubbles and a glass of wine. 😦 A hot bath always makes everything better. Anyways, on to the next topic or paragraph, whateverrr.

Oh yeah! I also want to share my view on this certain thing with you guys, I feel like people GIVE UP so easily in relationships. Some couples break up and make up, well when your married you can’t do that. YOU need to talk it out and if it takes an hour for you to calm down and talk about it than that’s fine not everything has to be solved right that second. My mind is set where I want to be married forever and I am not going to give up on this man, NEVER, so divorce never comes into my mind only the fact that I want to kick hiss ass, but i just pray to god to give me strength to deal with him ahah, Anyways, EVERYTHING can be fixed, but YOU have to want to fix it. YES, that does mean you have to swallow your damn pride and work your shit out! OMG, I know, I cussed but whatevs. STOP giving up on the one you love so easily because of your pride or because you can’t show how your really feeling, stop being a little high schooler, grow some balls and you let your partner know what your feeling and what bothers you and FIX YOUR damn problems.

I know i know, it seems as if i am stating this to someone, and you’re right, I am. I am stating that to you. The person that has so much pride that you cant show your true feelings, well NEWSFLASH, maybe that’s why your so unhappy? because people can’t read your damn mind honey. Life is so short, why hold grudges? ugh, I don’t even want to go into that topic right now. I am already getting a little fired up.

This post seems like it has so many different topics it’s kind of ridiculous, I am just typing what comes to my head and that’s what this blog is about, EXPRESSING my thoughts. (HINT: thats why my title is called “What Topic?”) I started with marriage and ended with pride. LOL. Don’t expect to come here and read a perfect paper because your not. I have so many more conversations I want to post about but this will be all for now! Stay tuned for even more tomorrow, maybe i’ll talk about how I got to where I am today, or maybe it will be about politics, the weather, or maybe it will be about a million different things. WHO KNOWS. SEE YAAAA!!

-xoxo, thanks for reading!

A Little Bit About Life

How do you stand up for yourself? How do you make sure your voice is heard?

Well, I’m here to tell MY story, and well to vent about how I view life. I am not a writer nor do I want to be one. I will make many mistakes on my blog as in if an English teacher were to grade my blogs I would most likely get an F on every single one, but i’m not here to write a perfect A+ paper. So lets start off with who I am, and why I have decided to do a blog.

I am happily married with no kids, although we do plan on having one soon. The people that will most likely read this already know me and some may think that they know me. I started this blog because I feel like this will be my voice, I cant share something like this on a Facebook status so might as well just do a blog. Some of you may not like what I have to say and some may be shocked, offended, or may agree with me. My point is that I am not going to write things to please you, I am writing this to share my views, values, and my voice.

First thing first, I love my husband. He is my world. I love him with all of my soul and he is what keeps me in control of myself and matter of fact he had led me to the lord. Yes, I know what you are thinking. “Oh great, she’s a Jesus freak.” Well yes, you are right,I love my god and I will praise and thank him for all the blessings he has given us.  However, I am not here to try and lead you to the lord. That is your choice! It would be absolutely wonderful if you were interested in giving yourself to the lord but that’s not my goal at the moment. My husband and I have been together for one year and have been married for 3 and a half months. I know right!? crazy. Although, we have known each other for about two and half years, maybe three. So that is all I will say about my husband and I for now, but stay tuned I will have way more to share.

Next, Why have I decided to start a blog? CRAZY idea, but i’ll take my chances. So as many know, I talk a lot. I have so many opinions on certain things and sometimes I feel like the way I view life is way different than the way others view it. I think its because I am more mature than half my friends. (no offense girls, there’s nothing wrong with that) — I keep going back to see if I am using the right “than” if i’m not, i’m sorry. I have always had trouble with those. Anyways, I want to share my views and just see if there’s other people that see them the way I do to. I want to just have this experience. I LOVE trying new things and I love sharing my thoughts whether people agree with them or not, so I feel like starting a blog is perfect for that. This may be a successful blog or it maybe a fail, but life is about taking chances and if it doesn’t work out then on to the next project or whatever.

Last but not least, why and how I chose my title and my website name? I chose my first title to be “A little Bit About Life” because I am telling you about myself and why I am doing this, like an Introduction to my blog I guess. My website name “” has a purpose I guess. I don’t know how to explain it really. It just popped into my head. I guess it’s because I feel like people give up so easily on things and feel like “everything takes forever” as in school, your dreams, your goals, relationships. and that is OKAY. To think about forever is okay. I got married young and I will be with my husband forever and that is OKAY. It’s hard to explain to you but it’s one of those things where only I can understand the meaning behind it and it makes sense to me.

So I guess that will be all for this post, I have way more things to say but I can’t because who wants to read a blog that is so long it feels like your reading a book? NOT ME. I use to love reading but it gives me a headache now. Stay tuned for tomorrow blog post. I have way more to say and it may just make you find out if you want to stay updated with me or you may think otherwise and totally stop viewing my posts.

-xoxo, thanks for reading!